Welcome to another series of blogs, topic: koans!
As I share what I've learned about koans and my experience with them, things might get too obtuse, confusing, or far out. It’s likely helpful then to note that working with these koans helps one to live with more peace, ease, confidence, and compassion. At the very least, having a touchpoint each day, hour, moment is a great mindfulness practice. An excellent way to navigate the inevitable trials of these lives and times! Koans came about when Buddhism was carried out of India and met
Taoism in China. The resulting sect of Buddhism became known as Chan and when that found its way to Japan, it became known as Zen. Koans are awakening stories of various lengths and from a wide variety of people both monastic and lay-folk, but most commonly between students and a master.
Not I, not mine, not myself…
Not I, not mine, not myself, just elements, said the Buddha to his son.
May We Not Suffer Too Much
Once when I was on retreat there was a woman, let’s call her Liza, who was not like the other retreatants. She smoked cigarettes, swore, challenged the teachers, snuck food into the temple, and had a generally caustic attitude. She was secretive and defensive about some of these behaviours; I saw and heard them because we were in neighbouring rooms. I wondered even why she was there as she seemed to have little interest in diving deep into contemplation or meditation practice. Yet, she was there. And I could identify with her comings and goings, her searching for happiness in the quick fixes. I used to be like her, if a little less abrasive. I still am to some degree; old habits are persistent!
Fullness and the Feminine
But in that moment, there was only sound and it was like a symphony. No me, no trees, no wind, no names, or exclamations. The painting is Untitled because there is no name for that experience, really. The Buddhists call it emptiness, other faiths might call it God. But to name it limits it. Interestingly, in Buddhism and in the Tao, this deep wisdom, this infinite source, is feminine.
Feeling the Way Forward
Walking on Earth is a miracle. Each mindful step reveals the Dharmakay. —Thich Nhat Hanh
To be entangled in all that mind activity makes the experience very heavy and sharp. It is difficult, but It doesn’t help to be angrily asking “Why me? Why this? This is my life?” Notice the feeling tone: “this is unpleasant.” And it can stop there. There are many different practices to stop the mind from spinning out. Looking for those five aggregates is one that works for me because the Buddhist teachings make sense to me, have shown me that even when it feels like a crucible, it may very well be an opportunity for transformation, for listening to instead of shouting at Life. For evoking the image of Thay walking, present in each step.
Waking this morning, I smile.
A new year. A new undertaking. Introducing my first ever blog… Each morning, for about a year, I recited a list of koans, gathas, slogans, and poetry I had memorized. The above phrases are an example of a gatha — a daily, hourly, or momentary touchpoint that can be written down somewhere or memorized. This one is from Thich Nhat Hanh’s list of 44 gathas. Once such phrases had a resonance in my daily life, I began recording the reflections and insights that emerged. They have become a jumping-off point for this blog that will also include some bits of wisdom, inspiration, and humour that spontaneously emerge out of the depths of wherever those things come from. I’m not necessarily wise, inspiring, or funny but those moments happen in the midst of life, practice, and study. Perhaps often enough to populate this 52-week series of posts.