Spiritus

Earlier this year I began practising with some meditations that are meant to clear areas of psychological blockage and contact areas of strength and balance. They involve some visualization, but in a way that works with what arises spontaneously rather than creating something in the mental field. For example, in a meditation on negative emotions, I worked with the aversion that arises when I don't want to do something. (I don't know about you, but a lot of life's repetitive tasks felt burdensome to me; less so these days though they clearly still hang me up!) The instructions are to contact the felt sense of the negative emotion in the body. Does it have a texture? Does it have a shape? Does it have a name? This aversion was presenting as a solid wall. The next step was to settle on a name, repeating it silently, "wall, wall, wall…." This increases its resonance and impression so that the next question, "What is the resolution?" has somewhere to land. Key in this practice is not to go searching for a solution, nor to focus too intently, and rather to let a resolution surface. A few things came up, and surprisingly, the one that fit was breath. It was so interesting and exciting to explore how the breath might get through a solid wall of aversion. Picture the big bad wolf who could blow walls down with his breath. Mind you, brick stopped him from blowing down the third house of three little pigs. The unconscious is notoriously illogical with its imagery (cue any recent dream). Our collective unconscious is rich in symbolism involving wolves and breath. Anyway, say the instructions, trust what the depth sends up.

Then in post-meditation I explored how this imagery, these labels, come up in daily activities. Physiotherapy exercises have been a part of my life for some time and are definitely experienced as burdensome. I used to keep active and fit doing fun things like walking the dogs, hiking, cycling, snowshoeing, or gardening. A physiotherapist said to me recently, "we have to fight to keep what we have.” Putting aside the word “fight,” her statement landed at the right time for me. We have to work to keep what we have. This is a different approach that I’m newly inspired to embrace. Ability and fitness used to be a byproduct of enjoyable activity, but recall the song lyric I shared in a recent blog: "she is gone, but she used to be mine." I have to let go of that former Sarah. What is gone is gone, but I can still apply the fire and the life that's inside (more from that same song) to the work of keeping the strength and mobility I have. I can also use the goalsetting techniques and drive that I used in other activities to keep physio interesting. Maybe that’s the wolf, the force behind the breath, the inspiration (pun intended).

Back to the wall; I noticed it comes up with anything I don't want to do. And also with things I “shouldn’t” do (cake for breakfast, anyone?) It comes up whenever the thinking mind, the conditioned mind, wants to be entertained somehow. As I approach a healthy choice, this mental wall comes up to swiftly divert me in another direction, to follow a distraction, or listen to that powerful "later" voice. And then I remember the resolution word: breath.

The breath is so simple and so familiar that we take it for granted unless a condition like asthma brings it to the forefront of our experience. It's part of a very complex process. The lungs (which, spread out on the ground, would cover the surface area of a tennis court) are continuously drawing in oxygen, transferring that into our bloodstream, to be delivered as nourishment to all of our cells. The cells in turn expel waste products including carbon dioxide that is then carried in the bloodstream to the lungs to expel back into the air. At a microscopic level, there is no such thing as breath; it is a series of processes and exchanges that we experience and label as breath. Bring to mind the well known exchange that trees make of carbon dioxide for oxygen, cleaning the air for all of us oxygen dependent beings. We exist in symbiosis with our environment by means of, not only air (breath), but also water (blood, sweat, and tears), fire (warmth), and earth (especially in the form of food). Of all of these essential elements, breath is the one without which we would die in a matter of minutes.

The breath is always with us, wherever we go, right up until we exhale the very last one. The breath is also happening in the present moment. These two facts make the breath a powerful tool for being “here and now.” We find this phrase even on bumper stickers these days, but what does it mean? Hint: thoughts are almost always of the past or the future. Thinking generally takes one out of the present moment whereas paying close attention to something brings one to it. Pay close attention to an in-breath from its very beginning, as it persists, and as it comes to an end. Then just as closely follow the out-breath. Repeat. Very simply, this is meditation on the breath. Mindfulness of breathing was a main practice of the Buddha and his followers, of other spiritual traditions and yoga, and a is main feature of the mindfulness movement in our society today. The breath really exposes the ground level truth of constant change and how we suffer because we are always trying to find solid, unshifting ground. Right?! To be unburdened, warm, satiated, dry, entertained, well, happy, loved, in the right, in the know. (Sara Bareilles also sings, “to finally feel the climate instead of always staying dry and warm.” I love this line.) When things get difficult, what is often the automatic reaction? Holding the breath. A big sigh. A gasp.

So, could the breath bring down the wall? Yes. As soon as I sensed the wall coming up, or already suddenly in place, if I can remember the breath and be present, here is where Life speaks its truth. One truth, I've discovered, is that Life wants to take care of itself. When I am in the present moment, the wall may not even appear and taking care of myself is automatic. Physio becomes neither pleasant nor unpleasant; it is just the next thing to do.

Years ago, I purchased a block print from a Cuban artist. It was titled Spiritus, meaning breath or spirit. I marvel at that print now and the spirit in me that responded to it. It depicted a person’s breath in curving lines and swirls and a bird amid those swirls tying together heaven and earth. “Heaven” is an ancient word referring to the sky as the abode of divinity. The breath, like that bird, that spirit, can awaken us earthly beings to the present moment — where divinity is also. It’s actually always here; we’re just usually distracted.

So, now and then, let’s just breathe and know that we are each divine. Each complex, exponential, and unpredictable ripples in the universe. Each a bit of Life taking care of itself. The work up top is called Promise because the divine is here for us. And the work below is for spiritual warriors who allow it.

Spiritual Warrior, 2016, collage, 24x36”

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Holistic Clearing Mediations developed by Namgyal Rinpoche, founder of the Dharma Centre of Canada, are available as a booklet of instructions from Bodhi Publishing.

Saint Honesty by Sara Bareilles.

Regarding human symbiosis with our environments, listen to Neil Theise talk about spirituality and science converging in the theory of complexity: Interview with and his book Notes on Complexity

How Surely Gravity’s Law by Rainer Maria Rilke read by translator Anita Barrows. This poem says all I’ve tried to say.

Inner peace

Love